I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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