There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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