I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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