he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
