wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
