When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
