As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
