I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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