Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
