At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
