he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I need water and some morals
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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