I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
