I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
