I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize