I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
