a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I've blown a few things in my day
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
