oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
