I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize