I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
