I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I got inside last night via doggy door
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
