Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize