I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
