weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
