I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
