The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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