who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize