I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
