Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
