I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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