there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
