You can't motorboat a personality
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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