your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
