i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
