Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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