is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
