Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
