Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
