bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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