you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You don't make any sense
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