I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
