R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
