Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
