Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
