I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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