Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
