i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize