I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
