i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
