Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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