just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
