We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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