I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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