dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
