I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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