I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
