You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
