Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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