sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
