Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She even gives head with a lisp.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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