Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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