Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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