Where are you?
In a non slutty way
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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