my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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