My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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