Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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