i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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