I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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