So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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