sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I want a musical about memes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize