He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
